Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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