Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
