Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
