he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
