Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
