I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
