you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
