my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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