Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
