Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
