Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
