Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
