I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
