He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
