I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
