I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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