i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
