Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
