I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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