You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
