I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
