I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
honey bunches of taint.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize