so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
