I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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