see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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