were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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