A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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