if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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