I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize