no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
