I think I won the penis lottery.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
