Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
