I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
