Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
