You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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