maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
