When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize