Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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