Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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