you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I party with great urgency now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
