Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
