I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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