I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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