I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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