We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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