My sheets look like a crime scene.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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