I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I want is dick and wine.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
