Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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