OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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