I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When are your genitals available?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
