Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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