today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
