I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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