Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
