I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
