He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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