literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
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Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize