looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize