So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
