True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
