its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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