What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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