I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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