life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
