Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
