I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
