I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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