Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
