he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
