was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize