There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
