Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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