Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
